Broken Pieces
by LoveIsAlwaysLouder
Summary: Eli Goldsworthy left his wife and daughter almost 8 and   a half years ago, he's back now and trying to re capture the trust of   his now 17 year old baby girl and the heart of his re married ex. Can   he pick up the broken pieces of his shattered life?
1. Chapter 1

Broken pieces chapter 1

So I'm laying in bed watching Master chef ( Which I really shouldn't do before I try to sleep because than I'm just craving whatever they make but all I can find in my room are goldfish crackers ) and this scene  
>popped into my head and I couldn't get it out! So naturally I wrote<br>it. But it wasn't enough! I had to write a story around it! So here I  
>go! Like I said I've already written a chapter but it will come into<br>play later. :) I hope you all like it!

Broken Pieces: Eli Goldsworthy left his wife and daughter almost 8 and  
>a half years ago, he's back now and trying to re capture the trust of<br>his now 17 year old baby girl and the heart of his re married ex. Can  
>he pick up the broken pieces of his shattered life?<p>

Disclaimer I don't own degrassi! All rights to rightful people! :D

Chapter one: what I didn't do

Eli POV

I pulled up to the large house in a small private suburb of a city I  
>used to call my home. It was her dream house. The house I never bought<br>her and the house _he _built for her. I may have been the one to  
>leave her, but I hated the idea of her being with <em>him.<em> Needless to  
>say I didn't attend the wedding. I parked my car out front, slowly<br>making my way to up the cobble stone steps, hesitating before raping  
>my fist on one of the large oak French doors. A small boy opened it He<br>was no older than five, looking at him you would have no doubt that he  
>was Clare's son but <em>he<em> was definitely present to. The child seemed to  
>be a mini of his father "Jake" the name still makes me shutter.<p>

"Mummy!" the boy called, the sound echoed through the large Foyer.

"I'm coming Nathan!" said a voice coming from the large opening to  
>the right. Then she appeared, she was stunning. I suddenly had to<br>remind myself why I left her; I realized in later years that it wasn't  
>a very good reason. She was dressed simply in straight legged jeans<br>and a floral scoop neck thick strap tank top. She had a smiling 2 year  
>old on her hip. The girl's hair fell in light brown ringlets and her<br>eyes were Clare's exact stunning blue. It brought me back to our first  
>years with Sam. We were so happy. How had it changed so fast?<p>

"Hi." I said softly, it had been almost two years since I had seen  
>her, the girl, Rosa had recently been born.<p>

" hey." she said smiling slightly.  
>" say hi to Eli Rosie." she said sweetly, tickling the young girl<br>stomach. She giggled before waving shyly at me.

"one sec," she said putting the girl down and walking over to the  
>large staircase,<p>

" Sam, he's here" there was no response, except a bunch of loud  
>thumping sounds from the floor above.<p>

"Have you had lunch?" she asked scooping the girl back up and  
>gesturing me to follow her into the kitchen.<p>

"I'm good thanks" I said as I entered the polished kitchen. Clare  
>returned to stirring something on the stove well bouncing the giggling<br>toddler.

"Did you get lost?" she asked looking at the pan.

" hmm?" I asked away from the smiling pictures of Clare, Jake and the  
>kids on the refrigerator.<p>

"Your late." she clarified. Adding something into the pan.

"Oh no, my flight got delayed. Something with the sky bridge" I said  
>returning my gaze to a smiling picture of Sam with Nathan and Rosa.<p>

"Where were you this time?" she asked opening a cupboard and shifting  
>through ingredients.<p>

"Berlin, doing a piece on the new memorial." she nodded. I glanced  
>around the room before my eye caught something of interest.<p>

"You read it?" I questioned staring at the book that topped a pile on  
>a window sill.<p>

"Pardon?" she asked looking confused.

"My book." I said pointing to it. She glanced over.

" oh that, yeah I did, your publisher sent me a copy" she said smiling  
>slightly before placing Rosa In a baby swing that was attached to the<br>the hinge of the open door frame that lead into a formal dining room.

"What'd you think?" I pressed on wondering if she had realized that I  
>based the character of Charlotte on her.<p>

"It was good." she said turning away and opening the fridge reappearing  
>with a large red pepper.<br>" I tried to get Sam to read it, but..." she continued before she was  
>cut off my loud thumping coming down the stairs.<p>

"I'm going to the driving range." a voice called

" Sam" Clare called her. She backed up so she was standing in the  
>doorway.<p>

"yep." she said car keys in hand.

"aren't you goanna say hello to your father?" she asked gesturing  
>towards me. She glances at me and I smile, she looks away quickly<br>before responding  
>" No." crinkling her nose slightly.<br>" Sam" Clare said softly looking at her with knowing eyes.

"Can I just go?" she asked gesturing towards the door. Clare sighed  
>slightly.<p>

"Fine, but make sure you fill up before we leave tonight, gas prices  
>are a bit higher up there." she said continuing to chop.<p>

"Thanks." Sam said before disappearing from sight.

"Driving range? Since when does she golf?" I questioned looking at  
>the place where she was standing moments ago.<p>

"She doesn't." Clare said pouring the freshly chopped peppers into the  
>pan<br>" her therapist suggested it, said it would be good for pent up  
>aggression." I nodded.<p>

"Wait what's this about leaving?" I questioned as the boy, Nathan  
>wondered into the room sippy cup in hand.<p>

"Were going up to the cottage for a couple weeks." she said taking  
>the cup from Nathan and refilling it.<p>

"But Sam hates camping." I stated plopping down on a bar stool on the  
>other side of the counter.<p>

"No, you do" she said rolling her eyes. Just then, I felt something  
>brush against my leg, I looked down rather shocked to find a Dog,<br>looking up at me, looking for a pat on the back.

"What's that?" I asked rather shocked.

"umm a border collie." she said patting the dog on the head.

" but Sams allergic!" I half shouted. Clare's eyes softened.  
>" no" she said quietly. Looking straight into my eyes since the first<br>time I arrived.  
>" you are." as I stare into Clares eyes I once again start to doubt my<br>decision on leaving her. She just stares at me with concern, pity  
>even. She shook her head at me. Just than the unmistakable sound of<br>truck tiers pulling up the drive way sounded. Clare's face lit up. It killed  
>me to see her so head over heels for someone else. No Eli you can't<br>think about that! You left her remember! To be free! To see the world!  
>To find yourself. But I'm starting to think that the me I left to<br>find... Has been with Clare all along. I heard the front door open.

"DADDY!" Nathan shouted running from the room, while little Rosa  
>clapped her tiny hands. Nathan was then carried back into the room by<br>none other than Jake Martin himself. Martin. That name made me  
>shutter too. The idea that it was Clares, that she was Clare MARTIN!<br>No longer Goldsworthy or even Edwards... But Martin. He placed Nathan  
>on the ground before wrapping Clare in his arms, and kissing her. I<br>looked away, not wanting to have that image imbedded into my mind.  
>They broke apart.<p>

"hey Eli." he said extending a hand to me. I shook I gingerly staring  
>at him coldly, his face on the other hand was happy, and full of<br>life. Why would it not be, he got Clare. I mentally kick myself for  
>thinking about her even more.<p>

"You sure you don't want any lunch?" Clare question pulling plates  
>from a rack as Jake lifted Rosa from her swing.<p>

"I'm fine." I say between clenched teeth.

"So what time do you figure we should leave tonight?" Clare asked  
>him, taking a bite of the Pita she had made.<p>

" I was thinking 5:30- 6ish, traffic shouldn't be too bad if we take  
>exit 9" They continued their conversation as if I wasn't in the room,<br>but I couldn't help but watch Her. She hadn't changed. She was still my  
>beautiful Clare except it wasn't my hand she was holding.<p>

That's chapter 1! Hope you like it!


	2. Chapter 2

Broken Pieces chapter 2

I'm not going to waste words with the random babbling that my family  
>wishes they could turn off so I'll just jump straight into the<br>story. :D Let us see where this story goes (ok I want a slushy! I  
>can't work without one! Back in a sec. Jogging to 7 11.)<p>

Chapter 2: Long trip alone

Eli POV

They sat together, talking, laughing as their children playing at  
>their feet; I let my mind wonder back to when that was Clare and I, it<br>seemed so long ago, well I guess it was. We were the crazy kids who  
>got married right out of high school. I don't know when it all<br>started going downhill. I guess it never really did. It was all me. I  
>had a mid life crisis at 25. I slowly distanced myself from Clare. I<br>felt trapped like my life was on never ending paths that lead further  
>and further away from my dreams. I neglected Clare, leaving her alone<br>with Sam as I Searched for away to get out. I put my needs above those  
>of my wife, of my daughter. I couldn't be around them, just seeing<br>them made me wonder what I was missing out on. What else was out  
>there? So in the early hours of the morning on December 23rd …. I<br>left. I had found what I had thought was my way out, a job that would  
>take me all around the world; I thought it was my chance to start<br>over. I never truly said goodbye to them. Looking back it's another  
>mistake I regret making. All I left was a note, a note that in my<br>mind explained everything, that made it all ok. I didn't attempt to  
>make contact till Early July; I hadn't spoken to her in over 6<br>months, until we came face to face with a divorce paper between us.  
>I tried to keep connection with Sam, with phone calls and post cards<br>from wherever I was writing. Than it changed, she kept asking me when  
>I was coming home, I couldn't take it, I cut off almost all<br>connection with her, sending the occasional present. After a very  
>long and heated phone argument with Clare, we came to the agreement<br>that I would see Sam at least once a year. Clare and I had been  
>Divorced for 2 years when the news reached me that Clare and Jake were<br>engaged. I thought nothing of it. That was until I fell asleep. I  
>dreamed about her, about how we were when we first got married, when<br>Sam was born, all those nights we spent up with her. I realized my  
>mistake; I spent months dwelling on it, trying to figure out what I<br>was supposed to do. I thought that if I went back, if I talked to  
>her, she would leave him and fall back into my arms, I arrived in<br>Toronto on the day of the wedding, I don't know what I planned on  
>doing, but what I do know is that when I pulled up to the church I<br>was too late. They were smiling widely, running down the front steps  
>hand in hand as the crowed threw white rice into the air, I sat there<br>and watched, thankful that the windows were to darkly tinted for  
>anyone to see my face. What caught my attention most, was Sam, she<br>looked….. Happy. Not the painted on smile that was present on her  
>face whenever I visited. Over the next few years, I made an effort to<br>be around more. Not just for Sam, but to be around Clare, every time I  
>saw her all the feeling I had in high school and the first stage of<br>our marriage come rushing back to me. Seeing her with him…. Feels  
>like a million knives are being shoved rapidity into my heart. The<br>world was punishing me by showing me what I was missing, what I tossed  
>away, than something changed, Sam stopped wanting to see me, avoiding<br>me when I came to town, not talking to me when she was forced to be  
>around me. I was snapped back into reality, by the sound of the front<br>door opening.

"Hey Honey" Clare called as Sam entered the room.

She smiled walking over to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of  
>water. Taking a drink before saying<p>

"Hey the engine on my car is making that sputtering sound again."  
>She placed the bottle down before leaning against the counter.<p>

"I'll take a look at it, when I get home tonight." Jake said  
>standing up and clearing his and Clare's plates<p>

"Speaking of," he said glancing at the clock above the stove.  
>"I've got to get back, See you tonight." He said pecking Clare on<br>the cheek.

"Bye guys." He said smiling down at Nathan and Rosa who were  
>playing on the floor.<p>

"See you Sam," he smiled at her. She returned it

"Later." She said, opening a cupboard, and shifting through boxes.  
>After pulling one down and turning around she seemed to notice for the<br>first time since entering the room that I was present. She looked at  
>me for a moment before looking at Clare.<p>

"He's still here?" She questioned crossing her arms and opening  
>the box of wafer cookies.<p>

"Sam," she said softly "He came to see you." She said her eyes  
>filled with concern.<p>

"Fine." Sam stated placing the box on the counter and turning to  
>look at me, her face was blank and expressionless. After a few second<br>she turned back to Clare.

"There. He saw me; can tell him he can leave now." Clare sighed

"Sam."

"I am in the room you know, you don't have to talk about me in the  
>third person." I pointed out, Both Clare and Sam shot me the death<br>glare.

"Why don't you go upstairs?" Clare offered Sam, Her face softened.

"Thanks" She smiled stepping past me and into the foyer. Clare  
>glared at me.<p>

"What!" I defended

"you're not making this any easier" she pointed out and she loaded the  
>remaining dishes into the washer and began to fill the sink with hot<br>water.

"What did I do?" I snapped

"Look." she said turning around to face me, propping herself up on  
>her hands and leaning forward looking dead into my eye. She was so<br>close, I loved the sweet aroma for her scent, it was something I hadn't  
>experienced in awhile. Though it was still a distance away, this was<br>the closet I'd been to her face I'm god know how long. I had the  
>sudden urge to lean forward and press my lips against hers, but<br>restrained myself.

"Sam's settled into this life a Long time ago, she's used to it, but  
>I think you being here, it may bring up some... Unpleasant<br>memories." I frowned.

"So what do you want me to do?" I questioned "disappear?" I offered  
>jokingly trying to lighten the mood; her eyes stay serious as does her<br>face.

"Just show her you're not here to hurt her. And make it quick because  
>were leaving in about 6 hours." she said gesturing to the clock on the<br>wall. I tried! I did. But no matter what I said Sam wouldn't leave her  
>room, I moved from my place in front of her door to examine the landing.<br>There were two other doors to the left each of one side of the L  
>shapes landing. In the center was the opening to a small wooden<br>spiral staircase. Curious I made my way over to it, glancing over my  
>shoulder to make sure nobody watching me. I slowly ascend the stair<br>case, as I reach the landing I find what seems to be the master  
>bedroom. The wood floors looked distressed and fit into the calm<br>atmosphere of the room. A large open grate fire place sat nestled to  
>the side unused in the sweltering winter months. All around the wall<br>were pictures, pictures that if weren't for me... Would have been us.  
>The vocal point of the room was the large cast iron bed. I glanced at<br>it and shuttered thinking of what had been done on it, and with whom. I  
>suddenly found myself disgusted by being in this room. I turned to<br>leave but found myself face to face with Clare. I jumped back  
>slightly, shocked.<p>

"Exploring?" she asked moving past me and placing the laundry basket  
>on the bed and began shifting the neat folded piles into the dresser.<p>

"no I just" I let my voice fade off not really having an excuse.

"Sam's down on the couch with Rosie." she said shutting the drawers

"thanks." I said quietly slowly moving down the stairs. When I reached the Living room on the ground floor, Sam was sitting on the couch with Rosa on her lap as the wiggles danced around on the television screen. I made my way into the room, sitting in a large leather arm chair.

"So, How you been?" she continued to stare at the screen, picking up the remote and turning the volume up slightly.

"So you'd rather watch the wiggles than talk to me?" The volume was raised once again.

"Ok that's it." I said getting to my feet and turning off the TV.

"You can't just pretend I don't exist!" I said standing in front of the screen." She got to her feet, Rosa in her arm, still not making eye contact with me exiting the room.

"Way to be gentle." Clare hissed at me walking past.

Dinner that night was awkward. For me at least, they went along with what seemed to be a normal family dinner, I was an intruder, unwanted house guest.

"Bad news Kid." Jake said between bites. " Took a look under your hood, Engines completely over heated, I called down to Jays, but he said he didn't have an opening till late next week."

"Next week?" she asked eye wide "Than how am I supposed to get out to the cottage tonight? There's no way I'm going to be able to fit in the back with both of the Car seats." Than an idea shot into my mind, an idea that in retro spec might not have been the best.

"I have my rental. I can drive you." I offered taking a drink of the wine that had been placed in front of me.

"Really?" Clare asked rather shocked. Sam looked dumbfounded.

"Yeah, I'm not due in FEZ for another week."

"Mom, No," Sam stated leaning forward in her chair, shaking her head.

"Sam he's just being nice." Clare reasoned

"I'd rather walk." She said falling backwards on the back on her chair.

But twenty minutes later, much against Sam's wishes we were on the road together. Her legs were bent against the dash, she had complete tuned out, I could hear her music erupting from her head phones as her fingers typed feverishly on the screen of her phone.

"It's a long drive you know." No answer.

"You're really not going to talk to me the whole time?" I couldn't tell if she was ignoring me or if her music was just drowning me out. After about 2 hours of driving I pulled over at a Gas station on the left side of the road. Sam flung her door open, heading straight into the small convince store. I was about to exit my own door when I noticed Sam's phone light up. I didn't want to do it. It seemed wrong but I couldn't help it. It's not like I was going through her messages. They were all lined up on one page. She had been talking to some girl named Cassidy.

Sam: I'm in hell,

Cassidy:?

Sam: Stuck alone with my dad 4, 6 hours. Shoot me now

Cassidy: I thought you liked Jake?

Sam: I do. I'm with my "Real" Dad.

Cassidy: I thought he was dead?

Sam: To me….. he is.

Ok I hope you liked it!


	3. Chapter 3

Broken Pieces Chapter 3

Hey People. This will be my last update till either Sunday or Monday, since I'm heading down to the States to see a Toby Keith Concert. But I will be writing on the drive down so I should have some new chapters for you when I get home! I'd also like to thank all my reviewers! Ya'll are the best! Why did I just say ya'll I'm not southern! Oh well!

Chapter 3: Ears are open

Eli POV

We were about an hour from our final destination, when I couldn't take it anymore.

"Ok that's it!" I said reaching over and pulling the wires of Sam's Head phone. Her head snapped up and she glared at me as I through her I Pod into the back seat.

"I will give you 10 dollars for every word you say to me." She continued to Glare.

"Oh come on! What I just said was a good 30 buck."

"Go to hell." She said quietly looking out the window.

"I'll take what I can get." I stated. It was silent the rest of the way. We pulled into the drive way of the one Wooden Cottage that lines the west shore of the Small Lake. As soon as the Car came to a stop, Sam was out of the door. Heading up the steps into the house.

"How'd it go?" Clare asked UN clicking Rosie from her Car seat and pulling the sleeping child out of the Car.

"Good new, I got three words out of her. Bad news I'm out thirty bucks" I said closing my door and leaning against it. Clare rolled her eyes.

"I'll make up the couch from you." Clare said heading into the house

"Its fine I was just going to crash at that motel down the road."

"It's no trouble; now get in the house your letting the moths in." She said closing the door behind her.

My Back Ached as the morning light shone in my eyes and the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs above. Suddenly I felt someone standing above me. I opened my eyes to find Sam.

"UN lock your car." She said her arms crossed.

"What time is it?" I said rubbing my eyes and reaching backwards searching for my watch.

"You locked my I Pod in your car and I'm going running. Keys" she said holding out her hands. This was more words that she'd said to me in close to two years. I pulled my keys off the side table and tossed them to her.

"Oh and you owe me another 200 dollars. And more and more" she said walking backwards towards the door, "you know I kind of like this little arrangement." She said smirking before disappearing out the door. I slammed my head against the pillow, trying to sleep; I was just fading out when the rest of the houses tenants came rumbling down the stairs.

"Ow." I half shouted as something heave landed on my feet. I lifted my head to find a small boy, dressed in Spider man Pajama's picking up a remote from a side table and flipping through channels till he found something that amused him.

"Morning," Clare shouted from the kitchen. "Have you seen, Sam this morning?" she asked pulling ingredients out of the fridge as Jake, Maneuvered around her, and a smiling Rosa in his arms.

I watched them, a normal family, and one without problem or worries. Then there was me. The messed up guy who threw away his life and is now doomed to spend the rest of his life watching his mistakes. After watching them for who knows how long before the door opened.

"Aw just in time." Jake said as he lifted a pan off the stove. "Breakfast ready."

"But I'm all Sweaty!" Sam defended pulling one of her head phones out of her ear.

"It's just breakfast." Clare stated placing plates on the table. "Come on." She beckoned her over they All sat around the table.

"you to Eli." Clare said taking her seat.

"Nah, I should probably get going," I said getting up.

"He just doesn't want to owe me more money." Sam whispered to Jake, Whipping small piece of cheese of Rosa's cheek.

"Come on," Nathan said waving me over. I signed before taking my place in the empty seat next to Nathan. I was sitting directly across for Sam. She leaned closer over the table and looked me straight in the eye before whispering

"Cats." I rolled my eyes.

"Your goanna milk this for all this is worth aren't you." She nodded taking a sip of the coffee cup in front of her.

" Ok I'm confused. What's going on?" Clare asked, looking between Sam and I.

"Oh" Jake said swallowing, and speaking before Sam or I had the chance.

"He offered her 10 dollars for every word she says to him." Clare eyes widened.

"And what am I up to now?" Sam thought out loud "Do you know?" she asked me smirking devilishly.

I put my head down in my hands.

Wait how did Jake know? Did she tell him? I started to wonder how close they were. That Cassidy girl from last night seemed to think that Jake was her dad.

"You opened yourself up to this." Clare said laughing slightly.

" I'm going to be broke by the time I leave here." I said sighing

"That's the plan." Sam said slightly sing song ish. I rolled my eyes. After breakfast Sam was heading upstairs to take a shower and Jake was playing with Rosa and nothing in the living room. I helped Clare clear the table, as she ran the sink to do the dishes. I sighed.

" At least she's talking to you." Clare pointed out trying to lighten my mood.

" Not really. I haven't gotten a real Sentence. A real conversation out of her."

" Give it time." Clare offered. " Stick around a little while. Show her that you care." I nodded. Though I knew that the reason for me staying was bigger than Sam. I wanted to stay from. But I wondered how Clare wanted me to stay for.

Super Sorry that its short but I have to leave in about an hour so I really need to get going! Sorry!


	4. Chapter 4

Broken Pieces chapter 3

So I'm driving right now and the road is kind of bumpy so I don't know  
>how well I'll be able to type, so If there are major mistakes blame<br>the pavement! I mean spell check should catch most of them... But you  
>never know. Ok I have three hours to write this... Let's hope it<br>doesn't take that long! I'm not sure how long I'm going to make this  
>story. I have planned events that I want to happen; I just have to get<br>there.

Chapter 4: worry

Eli POV

The sun rose higher in the sky, as I settled into the guest room.  
>Clare figured that if I was planning on staying for awhile than I<br>could trade the couch for a real bed. When I first entered the room,  
>one thing stuck out to me. The bed. It wasn't anything to special.<br>Just a small wooden spindled queen bed. But I reconquized it. It was  
>the bed from the small 2 bedroom apartment that Clare and I lived in<br>with Sam the years that we were married. The apartment wasn't much,  
>but for two 18 year old kids fresh out of high school it wasn't bad.<br>We had never planned to stay there. I had always promised that we  
>would move into a that big brick house that she always saw in Design<br>Magazines. I guess she got it, but I wasn't the one who made that  
>dream come true... He was. It wasn't that we hadn't had the money. No<br>I had done fine with my job. My problem... Letting it go. It was  
>another part of that so called perfect plan that I had cooked up in my<br>head. At that time giving the money to Clare would seemed like it was  
>taking away from my dream. When I left, I left her with almost<br>nothing. I never asked, nor do I want to know what she did to keep her  
>and Sam's life going until the money she won in the divorce came<br>through. During the first years of the divorce, we barely had contact.  
>I sent child support, and occasionally talked to Sam. Our first two<br>meetings before she Married Jake, were awkward to say the least, at  
>first she wouldn't even look at me, I'd spend the day with Sam and we<br>would exchange a few words before I took off for my next whirl wind  
>adventure. After Jake came. She didn't seem to care anymore. For her<br>the awkwardness had completely disappeared. For me, it had all but  
>doubled. Because she was over me. I was but a blip on the way to her<br>true happiness. I sat down on the Bed, I could see it as if it was  
>yesterday, but it wasn't a happy memory, it was the one memory I wish<br>I could erase , stop myself from doing it, but there it was enveloping  
>my mind, forcing me to remember, to relive, an event that at the time,<br>seemed like a dream come true.

( a little over eight and a half years ago, December 23rd, 1 am)

My side of the bed was made up, unslept i quietly rushed around the  
>room, packing my things, carful not to wake the sleeping figure of my<br>wife. This was it. My chance to get out. To start fresh, to start my  
>life over again. I had moved all of my bags to the front door, I tip<br>toed back into our, (well I guess it was just her's now) bedroom. I  
>knew this was wrong. That I should do this face to face. But it seemed<br>kinder not to. I placed the note on my pillow. As I did she shifted in  
>her sleep. I froze, fearing that she would wake up and I would be<br>discovered. Once I was sure she was sleep, I slowly left the room. I  
>was on my way to the front door, when I past Sam's room. It was open<br>slightly, I peeked my head In the door, she was sound asleep, her back  
>facing me. I slowly creeped into the room.<p>

" Bye Sammy." I whispered, softly kissing her cheek.

By the time I got all my bags down to the Lobby it was almost, 2 in  
>the morning. I hailed a taxi, the driver helping me load my bag into<br>the trunk, I was on my way to the airport. I never thought about  
>looking back, about getting one last glance. All I thought about...<br>Was being free.

( Present time)

I stroked the place on the bed, that the note would have lay. I shook  
>my head trying to shake the thought from my mind. I made my way back<br>down stairs. But before I could reach the landing, someone had zoomed  
>past me.<p>

" I'm off!" Sam shouted, pulling open the sliding glass door that, lead  
>to the back patio.<p>

" Have your Phone?" Clare questioned her, looking up from wear she and  
>Jake were sitting on the couch still enjoying there Coffee.<p>

" Yep" she said turning away from the door. I walked toward the door.

" where's she headed" I wondered out loud. As I watched she, skip down  
>the few steps and run down the dock, to where a small speed boat<br>waited, containing 2 teenage boys and a Girl.

" She's just with some friends." Clare said simply.

" well who are they." I asked watching as the boat speed away. " do  
>you know them?" I questioned<p>

" it never goes away does it." she stated making her way over to me  
>and leaning against the door hinge, looking over the water.<p>

" what?" I questioned looking at her  
>" Worrying" she said watching as the boat came to a stop on the other<br>side of the lake, as they attached something to the back of it.

" no." I said quietly " I guess not." she smiled before turning back to  
>where she was before. I kept watching, as the boat took off again,<br>this time towing a water skier. But Clare was right no matter how  
>much you want to. You can't turn off the worry. She was still my baby<br>girl. And Clare... Clare was still my soul mate.

Finished! I would make it longer but I'm getting dizzy from looking  
>down, so I'll write to you more later! Till next time! <p>


	5. Chapter 5

**Hiya. I know I haven't updated this story in a REALLY long time. To be honest a lot has happened to me lately and I sort of forgot about this story, but I'm on a plane right now and I was going through my files and I stumbled upon all my old chapters and was like " oh I should probably update these" since I started 2 new stories. Bad Julia! Anyway Ima stop babbling and get on with it! Ok starting now! **

**All rights go to rightful people**

**AN: also I'm sorry for shortness but I have this thing when I'm flying that I can't be looking at my screen for too long or I get really dizzy. It's quite odd. I don't really get plane sick I just like pass out. I don't mind blacking out for a few hours on flights especially when there fourteen something hours! Gah! But this flight is only like an hour. I found it stupid how I had to fly from My home to Boston, to New York, and then the long haul flight is tomorrow. So much flying! AHHHHHHHHH**

Chapter 5: the choices we make

Eli POV

I lay awake late into the night waiting for the sound of the screen door creaking open signaling Sam's safe return. When the bright sun light shone through the thin lace curtains I had only been sleep a few hours. Even after Sam had returned home I lay awake, thinking. Sam was different than she used to be. So confidant, So sure, so… Clare. For the first time in a really long time I wanted to know her for the sake of knowing her. No other reasons or pay outs. But for Sam. Clare was right. The worry that had grown within me was permanent, no other alternative. I slipped out of bed and started down the stairs, stopping in my tracks as I hurried voices below.

" what do you mean he's staying! I thought he left already!" Sam's voice wafted up the stairs reaching my ears.

" Give him a chance Sammy!" Clare's voice reasoned " you might be surprised." She offered kindly.

" I doubt that." Sam snapped back. I could almost feel Clare roll her eyes.

" Just do this for me. Please!"

"And if I don't?" Sam countered back.

" If you don't." Clare spoke her voice more serious than before " Than I'll pulling the plug on next year."

" Mom you cant!" Sam's voice was full of worry and fear

" Try me"

" Fine. But I'm not happy about it." As soon as I hurried Sam stomp away and plop herself down on the couch I continued down the stairs. As I expected Sam had landed on the couch her arms crossed, as Rosa sat in a baby swing by the window. Clare stood at the island, facing the room, chopping something before pouring it into a large pan. I approached her.

"How much of that did you hear?" She asked, not taking her eye's off her knife as she attacked a pepper.

"All of it." I admitted. She smiled.

"Thank you, by the way." She nodded, continuing with her work

" not a problem."

"What's next year?" I asked. She opened her mouth to answer when the front door flung open and Jake entered the room. Nathan on his shoulders and a package and several letters in his hands.

"Something finally arrived Sammy" he said placing the letters on the table and throwing the package to Sam. She caught it above her head, bringing it down to her lap and using the car keys sitting on the side table to tear the packaging open.

"Yes!" she squealed holding the item on her lap. I walked over to the couch to see what they were so excited about. In her hands was a dark blue Columbia sweatshirt. I smiled to myself. Columbia had been my dream school, I had applied there during my senior year of high school but had been wait listed. By the time my name was at the top I had already settled into life with Clare at TU.

"Sam why don't you and your father go to lunch and celebrate!" Clare offered looking up from her pan.

"Yeah I think I'll-"but she stopped talking once she caught eyes with Clare reminding her of there conversation from before.

" Sure." She said her mouth pressed in a straight line. I caught eyes with Clare. She smiled winking at me before returning to her chopping.

So that day at noon Sam and I headed off to the small diner about 3 miles up the road from the cottage. We stepped out of the car onto the packed dirt of the parking lot. We took a seat at a booth by a window that over looked the lake. Our sever came up to us, offering us menus and pouring water.

"Can I get you guys something to drink?" she asked

"I'll take a coffee. Black."

"Aright and you?" She asked turning to Sam.

"Im good with water." She said emotionless, opening the menu. The waitress walked away and back behind the counter. We sat in silence for a minute before I tried to break the ice.

" So Columbia next year." She continued to look at her menu. " That's exciting!" I states as the waitress set my coffee in front of me. I took a sip.

" I'm not going to Columbia next year." She said turning a page. I spit out the remaining coffee in my moth.

" What!" I sputtered. Wiping my mouth.

"I'm doing an art fellowship in France. Which you would know. You know if you were ever around." She said continuing to stare down at her menu.

" So your giving up COULUMBIA! To do some art thing. How could you be so stupid!" she closed her menu.

" I'm not giving up Columbia. I'm differing." She states scoffing at me.

" No" I stated.

" Excuse me?" she asked, astound and still glaring.

" you hurried me! I wouldn't let you throw away your future!" she rolled her eyes.

" I've already talked it through with the dean of admissions. This is happening. It has NOTHING to do with you."

" Oh I think it does!" I countered back. " I'm your father! I know what's best for you."

Her mouth fell open slightly . before she got to her feet.;

" I'm done." She stated. Before storming out. I got to my feet and raced after her

" Sam! Wait!" I called as she stormed out of the diner. I ran after her.

" Sam!" I called again as the door swung shut behind me. She stopped  
>in her tracks, whipping back around to face me.<p>

" Why?" she said harshly " so I can listen to you tell me what's for  
>best for me?" her eyes were wide with anger.<p>

" you don't know me." she said slowly her voice shaking slightly.

" of course I know you! Your my daughter!" I shot back.

" oh really!" she said breathing heavily before raising her hand to  
>cover the top part of her face.<p>

" what color are my eyes?" I stood in silence. I knew this. They were  
>green there definitely green, she has my eyes. Doesn't she? Or are they<br>brown... She slowly let her hand fall. Her eyes are blue. Clare's  
>crystal blue.<p>

" what bone did I break when I was eleven?" she asked slowly edging  
>towards me "What<br>sports do I play? What's my grade point average? Favorite movie?  
>Favorite song?." her eyes started filling with tears.<p>

" you wouldn't know since you weren't there. For any of it! You Missed  
>Half of my life!" she said moving even closer, tears starting to roll<br>down her face.

" and before that even when you were there, you were always somewhere  
>else in your mind. Because mom and I came second to everything.<br>EVERYTHING. No matter what was." her words cut me like a freshly  
>sharpened blade.<p>

" Oh and News Flash!" she said popping her hands on the sides of her  
>head.<p>

" a birthday cheaque and a Christmas present every year doesn't make  
>you a good dad."<p>

" Sammy you don't understand." I said quietly looking at the ground.

" no but what I understand." she said loudly.

" was that I had to sit the corner every single parents day, and  
>watch everyone else, with there dads, while I had to sit by MYSELF,<br>becuase mom had to taken extra hours since she could barely afford to  
>raise me after you left." her voice had grown from shaky to furious as<br>she let out the pent up aggression she had been harboring for to long.

" and you wonder!" she continued exasperatedly.  
>" why I wouldn't talk to you! And you WONDER why I consider Jake my dad!<br>Maybe it because he tries!" she snapped at me. Hot tears overwhelming  
>her face<p>

" he made an effort to know me, to understand. He makes mom happy, and  
>you know he made me forget." she stated<br>Voice breaking on the last word.

" he made me forget, the morning I woke up and you weren't there. And  
>he made me forget the weeks I spent at the window waiting for you" my<br>legs were starting to shake.

" I thought you were old enough to underst..." she cut me off

" I WAS A KID!" she yelled. " and all I understood was that you were  
>gone, and you didn't say goodbye. And i understood that my dad didn't<br>want me. That I only got to see him once a year IF I was lucky. All I  
>got were disconnected phone calls and impersonal sentences on the back<br>of postcards." she stepped back.

" oh and I was about to fill you in on why I stopped taking your calls  
>but Oh that's right! You stopped calling!" she turned away starting to<br>head towards the road.

" Sam." I said softly tear now welling in my eyes.

"just go." she said looking over her shoulder at me.  
>" You're not part of this family. You never were, you never wanted to<br>be." and then she ran. Her shoes kicking up dirt as she headed for the  
>first line of cottages in the distance.<p>

**Ok that's it! I really hope you guys like it so far! Thanks so much! **


	6. Chapter 6

Broken pieces chapter 6

Hey people! Sorry for my absence but I'm still adjusting to life  
>abroad :p I got a couple of reviews and messages saying that people<br>cried well reading it. Honestly I cried well writing it. I actually  
>wrote that scene before even starting the story. I'm really more of<br>an actor that a writer, and I remember coming up with the scene in my  
>head, without the characters in mind and just saying it out and<br>trying to get into the emotion of it. And thought " what the heck  
>let's just make this into a story"<br>I've been itching to publish that scene I just had to write a story  
>and chapter around it. Ok enough from me. Here's chapter 6.<p>

Chapter 6: too late to love again

" Sam!" I shouted bursting throw the front door of the cottage. I had  
>pulled up in the drove way just in time to see her sprint up the walk<br>way.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" she shouted stomping up the stairs, tears freely  
>falling from her eyes. Clare and Jake, coming to see what the score<br>of the commotion was, entered from the living room.

"What happened?" Clare asked looking up the stairs after Sam.

" I just-" she cut me off, raising a hand.  
>" I'll go talk to her." she took a step up the stairs; before Jake<br>pulled her back.  
>" no let me do it." she smiled at him slightly. As he raced up the<br>stairs.

She looked at me straight on. Seeing the tears dried on my face, and  
>the brokenness of my eye. The pity that seemed to be permanently<br>itched into her face when she looked at me seemed to be double its  
>usual capacity.<p>

"Come on." she said jerking her head back into the living room.  
>" walk with me." I nodded, following her through the living room and<br>out the sliding door.

"What did you say?" she asked as walked down the steps of the deck.

"Why do you assume it was me?" I asked defending myself.

"I haven't seen Sam cry in close to 7 years. She cried herself self to  
>sleep every night after you left. But after awhile she just stopped.<br>Never shed a tear, until today. So if you want to tell me some  
>bullshit story about the waiter being a Jack ass or her phone braking<br>go right ahead, just know that I see right through it." I signed. Damn  
>she was good.<p>

"I just said that going to France wasn't a good idea" she stopped in  
>her tracks looking over at me, knowing she wasn't getting the whole<br>story.

"and" she said egging me on.  
>" and I suggested she not do It."<br>" suggest or demanded?" I looked at me feet.  
>" I know you Eli. You're extremely over protective. And sometimes it<br>comes off wrong. But Sam doesn't know that. All she see's is a Man how  
>waltzed back into her life and started making orders. I know it's<br>hard, but she needs time. Trust isn't a bridge that can be built over  
>night. Especially after it's been broken."<p>

"She hates me." I whispered, still looking at my feet. As we took our  
>first steps onto the dock.<p>

"It seems that way right now. She's hurt, and confused and  
>conflicted. All she wanted for years was for you to be there, but you<br>kept pushing her away. Now she's grown up, and moving on, and right  
>when that pain starts to go away you decide you want her. She started<br>to associate you with pain. She thinks the further you are the less  
>chance she has of getting hurt." my breathing my harsh and sharp.<p>

" I want to help you Eli." she whispered.  
>" but you're not exactly making it easy."<br>" well neither is she!" I said gaining some strength back in my voice.

"are you not listening!" she snapped at me.  
>" she needs to learn to trust you again. And you haven't exactly given<br>her reason to. You ignore her for months and then turn up out of the  
>blue and expect her to welcome you with open arms. She's not 8<br>anymore. You lost the right to be her hero when you walked out.  
>That's not something that time can heal on its own. Try talking to<br>her, instead of at her. Listen to what she's feeling, instead of  
>saying what you are. Right now she's hurt, but deep down all she<br>really wants is to feel safe again."  
>We had reached the end of the dock. I looked up from my shoes, and up<br>into clares eyes.

"How are you so smart?" I asked. She smiled slightly.  
>" because I've felt what she's feeling.. I've been in her shoes, more<br>than once. It took me years to let my dad back into my life after he  
>cheated on my mom. And it took awhile but I know that I can still<br>count on you. Sam will come around just like I did. She just needs to  
>know you're not going to hurt her anymore."<p>

"How?" I asked softly, not breaking my gaze from her face.

"Find a way to show her that you care. That you love her."  
>I don't know what came over me. If it was the look in her eyes, or the<br>sound of her soothing voice, or maybe the way the sunlight reflected  
>off the water hitting her face, but for a merciful second I let my<br>heart over rule my mind and do what it had been wanting to for 6 long  
>years. I lean in quickly not giving her time to react. Placing my<br>lips onto hers, and grabbing her waist. I stood there, lost in the  
>moment, waiting, not even caring what was going to happen next. Then I<br>felt her lips move. But not in the direction I wanted them to. They  
>moved away, her hands coming up and pushing shoulders backwards away<br>from her my eyes were still closed when I felt something hard and  
>strong come in contact with my face. My eyes opened, my hand reaching<br>up to cradle my freshly slapped check.

"What the hell was that!" she snapped. She slowly moved away from me  
>back up the dock, barely moving her body, half frozen in shock.<p>

"Showing you I care!" I said moving closer to her. She continued to  
>back away.<br>" Clare I still love yo-" she cut me off.

"Stop!" she commanded harshly.

"if I remember correctly, I wasn't the one who left." her voice had  
>gone from strong to shaky.<p>

" no, but cla-" she continued speaking over me.

"and you weren't the one who woke up in the middle of the night to a  
>note instead of a husband." I swallowed the lump in my throat.<p>

"Come on, I'm sorry! Please just hear me ou-"

"and you weren't the one who watched from the street as  
>that taxi drove away. And you weren't the one you had to explain to<br>Sam that daddy wasn't coming home. You didn't have to hear her cry in  
>the middle of the night.<br>And you weren't the one who had to work 7 days a week to keep a roof  
>over there Childs head." my eyes once again west with tears.<p>

"Please! I'm begging you. Let me make it up to y-"

"than you don't get to come here once my life is finally working out  
>again, and try to open the wounds you made.<br>I'm happy Eli! Jake loves me! He put me back together again after you  
>stomped on me. So you don't get to waltz in here and say you changed<br>your mind. You're about 7 years too late."

" Clare." I stepped towards her.  
>" I think it'd be best if you left. You can have tonight to pack. But<br>in the morning I want you gone" she turned on her heel, running back  
>up to the cottage. I seriously considered jumping into the lake. I had<br>never been much of a swimmer, but drowning would be a welcome  
>alternative to the horror facing me at the cabin above. I slowly made<br>my way up to the deck and through the sliding door. Clare was nowhere  
>to be seen. I slowly made my way up the stairs. I was on my way to my<br>room when I noticed Sams door to be asque. I back tracked peeking in.  
>Sam was sitting on her bed Jake beside her, he was speaking softly and<br>quietly to her, she cracked a smile wiping the tears from her eyes. He  
>pulled her into a hug which she gladly accepted before getting up and<br>heading for the door. I half sprinted to my room, not wanting to be  
>discovered, but didn't close my door in time to miss their final<br>exchange of words.

"Love you kid" Jake said closing Sam's door, the next words made my  
>already knotted stomach twist,<p>

" love you to dad." dad dad. Not me. Him. She loved him. They both  
>did. He had taken my place in there lives and was doing a much better<br>job at it than I ever did. I collapsed on my bed, wanting the block out  
>the world. But then I hurried it. Crying. It was soft and faint. But<br>still there. For a second I thought that Sam had once again broken  
>down. But I soon realize they they weren't Sams tears, but clares. I<br>never realized that the guest and master bedroom were so close  
>together. And the tin walls made her cries painfully clear. Also clear<br>the sound of Jake entering their room.

"What's wrong?" he asked his voice full of concern and fear. I could  
>hear him make his way over to the bed, where<br>Clare must be lying. She spoke to quietly for me to make out the words  
>but what I did hear were jakes.<br>" HE WHAT?" shit she had told him. But why wouldn't she. He was Mr.  
>Perfect, he wouldn't be mad at her; I however have something to fear.<p>

"Please don't make a scene out of it." I hurried her plead of him,  
>her voice hoarse from her tears. There was a moment of silence before<br>I hurried him say  
>" are you ok?" did he really think I would have hurt her? The rest of<br>there conversation was held in quite, calm voices, hard to make out  
>through the wall, but as I hurrd them get off the bed and make there<br>way into the hall, the unmistakable sound of " I love you" was  
>exchanged.<p>

Later that night I was starving, but didn't dare face the downstairs  
>and the t hatful glares coming for all three of them. I could hear<br>them, laughing, talking, eating, enjoying eacothers company. Not  
>caring that I was there, wallowing in my sorrows.<p>

It seemed to me that the second I closed my eyes I was being awoken by  
>the sound of my door flying open. I rolled over in bed to face it.<br>There she stood, a smiling toddler in her arms. It was like nothing  
>had changed. I used to wake up in this very bed every morning, to Clare<br>in the doorway smiling Sam in her arms. But it wasn't my daughter  
>she was holding, and there was no look of kindness on her face.<p>

"it's time to leave." she stated. Before turning on her heel and  
>walking back down the stairs. I rose slowing, dreading the decent down<br>the stairs. My bag was packed, and I fully dressed, the bed made. The  
>bed. I walked up to the head board. Tracing the Patterns of it. This<br>was the first piece of furniture that Clare and I bought together. We  
>spent ours In a vintage shop picking it out. I ran my hand down the<br>side of the bed that had been Clare's. I thought for the first time  
>Ever, how it might have felt to wake up in the middle of the night to<br>that note. Suddenly I was in a dream. No longer in the guest bedroom  
>of the cottage of my ex wife and her new husband. But in our<br>apartment, our home. I was in the bedroom. I could hear someone tip  
>toeing around in the hallway.<br>Clare lay, fast asleep. Suddenly the loud bang of the front door  
>closing woke her. She sat straight up, frightened by the noise.<p>

" Eli?" she whispered,, putting her hand on my side of the bed, but  
>feeling nothing but the tin fabric of the bedspread. She looked over,<br>seeing my unslept in covers. Then she saw it. The note, I remember  
>spending hour's writing it. Wanting to make it just right. It seemed<br>to me that I had written thousands of words. All of which explained my  
>actions perfectly. But she finished reading it in a matter of seconds.<br>Her eyes wide, she dropped the note running out of bed. . The note lay  
>face up on the bed. And to my surprise and horror there was barely a<br>sentence on the page

It's time I leave, for good this time.

Suddenly I was in the hallway of the apartment, gliding beside Clare  
>as she raced through the building. Past the elevator and down the<br>stairs. I watched as she burst through the front doors of the  
>apartment building, just in time to see my cab driving away. She stood<br>there in the down coming snow, helpless. No this couldn't be how it  
>happened. That wasn't the note that I wrote. But I knew somewhere in<br>my mind that it was. I picked up my bag off the bed, and slowly  
>entered the hallway. I was walking down the stairs when I stopped in<br>my tracks. I watched them. They were a functional family, with nothing  
>in the way. Sam sat at the island, a giggling Rosa on her lap. Clare<br>stood behind the stove, stirring something in a pan, Nathan on her hip.  
>Jake stood chopping, happily excepting as Clare gave him a spoon full<br>of whatever was cooking in the pan. The stair creaked giving away my  
>presence. They all looked up at me. Rosa oblivious to the tension,<br>giggle and waved her small hand at me. I continued down the stairs  
>pretending that I hadn't been watching them, I went straight for the<br>front door, I had one foot out when I was called back.

"you can't leave yet." I turned: it was Clare who spoke.  
>" Jake has some bussniess to take care of at home, and we still don't<br>have enough seats with Sams Car in the shop."

"who would be-?" I wasn't able to finish the sentence. No matter who  
>I was assigned to drove it would be awkward. Clare looked from Sam, to<br>her other children; seemingly decided she didn't trust me with either.

" me I guess." Jakes eyes shot up. Obviously not comterable with that  
>at all. Twenty minutes later, my bag was in the trunk, there car was<br>pack and the two youngest children strapped into their car seats. I  
>sat in my car, thinking of what I was going to say to Clare. How I was<br>going to fix this. I was staring at the stirring wheel when the  
>passenger door opened. My head snapped up. But it wasn't Clare who was<br>climbing into the car, it was Jake.

" I thought I was driving cla-" he cut me off  
>" yeah well you can see how I would he un comterable with that" I<br>signed.

The minutes passed like hours as we drove back to the city, Jakes  
>knowing glare boring into the side of m head. I tried not to look<br>at him, only focusing forward. I guess he had his reasons to hate me.  
>I kissed his wife and made his daughter cry for the first time in 7<br>years in one day. Then I realized what was wrong with that sentence. I  
>had said his daughter. Sam was my daughter. As I pulled up to the<br>house, my heart sank even more as I watched, Clare and Sam , disappear  
>back into the house, back into their life's. I don't know what I<br>expected out of this weekend, had I somehow expected to win back Clare  
>and gain back Sam in the course or a week. But all I had done was made<br>them hate me more.  
>I somehow managed to convince them to let me stay the night. The<br>first flight to FEZ wasn't until 10 tomorrow morning. So that night I  
>sat on the couch, my make shift bed, thinking, when Morning came. I<br>rose earlier than I had to catch my flight. I snuck up the stairs  
>and into Sam's room. A some point last night o had snuck out to a 24<br>hour ATM and withdraw all the money I owed her for speaking to me. It  
>may have been easier to write a cuquce, but I needed to get out of<br>this house, out of there home. To somewhere I could breath. I tip toed  
>up the stairs, and softly opened Sams doors. Paced the money all 4130<br>dollars of it onto the pillow next to her. I considered a note, but  
>realized that I was never very good that them. Some writer I am. I<br>grabbed my bag and left the house, I was out of the drive way and half  
>way done the street. When I saw something in the rearview mirror. A girl<br>running barefoot after the car. I stopped. It was Sam. I rolled down  
>the widow as she approached the passenger side of the car. Suddenly my<br>vision was blurred with money.

" I don't want it." she stated.  
>" Sammy." I said quietly. Trying to gather the money and hand it back<br>to her.  
>" while you're at it. Take these." she said placing the small garbage<br>bag on the seat.  
>" teachers never let me sit out." she stated before turning on her<br>heel and walking away.  
>I slowly reached for the bag.<br>They were homemade father's day cards o gifts. I remembered making  
>similar ones in elementary school. She kept them. my already mangled<br>heart slowly melted as I looked through them.

What had I done?

Ok I hope you like that chapter! 


	7. Chapter 7

Hey sorry for my absence, have been extremely busy! Between schooling, and skyping with my friends back home and trying to learn a new language, writing starts to take a back seat. But ill do my best to update as much as I can :D so here we go! Hope you guys enjoy is chapter

Disclaimer: all rights go to rightful people. You know the drill :P

Chapter 7: Letters

Eli POV ( like it always seems to be :P)

The slowly rising sun shone brightly into my eyes through the floor to ceiling windows of Toronto airport. Outside the window officials hurried around on the assault of the ground, directing plane towards their proper gate. My mind for the first time in hours was mercifully blank. It lasted only moments, but in that time I completely put everything that had happened in the past week out of my head. I was snapped back into my reality, when a young girl, no older than 5 or 6 sat across from me in the line of chairs near the gate. Sitting on either side of the small child were her parents. They were the picture perfect image of what am family should be. They sat together, the girl holding each of her parents hand, looking between them with bright eyes, filled with antistapation of boarding a plane. I once again lost myself, watching the family, the way they moved around each other, there moves molding together becoming one. When I could no longer stand to look at something that was once mine, something that I threw away, I turned my attention to something else. Something I had been avoiding, but I knew I had to face at some time or another. I had soon discovered that the bag Sam had shoved into my hands was more than fathers day cards, they were letters, to many to count, letters she had never sent, They were tied together, each one carefully dated on the outside. I pulled out the first letter, Dated December 24th, it dawned on me that was the day after I left, the day she woke up to a note instead of a father. I didn't want to read it, I didn't want to hear what was going through her head that morning. But I forced myself, I knew that I deserved to feel all the pain that she felt, if not more. So I turned my attention back to the paper, and forced my mind to take in the words.

_Dear Daddy,_

_Mommy says you're not coming home for a while. That you had to go away. I asked when you coming home. She said she didn't know, But I do. Your coming home tonight. Don't you remember daddy! Its Christmas eve! You always read the night before Christmas to me. Remember! Right in front of the fire place, we put out cookies for Santa and you and mommy tuck me in! Mommy says you might not make it this year, but I know you will, You'd never miss Christmas would you daddy? Would you? Mommys been crying all morning, she says she's fine, but I know as soon as you come home she'll feel better. I know you'll make it daddy, but I'll write an last minute letter to santa anyway, he'll help you get home._

_Love Sam_

The next letter was dated the next day, but only a few words were written on the pag

_Dear Daddy_

_You didn't come_

There were hundreds of them, Some paragraphs long, and others only words. There was one, left , one I couldn't bring myself to touch, after what seemed like hours of simply looking at the envelope, I tore it open, The date at the top showed that it had been written yesterday, the day we returned from the cabin, and the day after, I was sure I lost her good

_Dear Eli  
>I tried or at least i thought i did. But i cant. I cant do this. I cant pretend that when i look at you i dont see that morning. I was nine and it was my birthday<br>you promised. Promised that despite the fact that you had missed your last three visits that you PROMISED to make, that you would be there. And i believed you.  
>I woke up that morning earlier than needed, and took my place at the window. Waiting. I wouldn't leave my post afraid that if i did i would miss your arrival. SO<br>i waited. A few hours past... you hadn't arrived yet, i didn't think anything of it. You would be there, i was so sure that you would be there. Another hour past  
>and another, you would be there. It was 7:42 when the phone rang, i didnt need to hear the voice to tell that it was you, I could hear mom fight with you, and i<br>didnt need to hear the words to know that you weren't coming, i think that was i moment i gave up. Gave up the hope of you coming back to us, of things going back  
>to where they were before. But still every night for months after that, i would dream of you. Of you walking away. No matte how much i begged, pleaded or crieded,<br>you never so much as turned your head. Its to late now. To late for me to look at you the same way, I no longer see my father when i look into your face  
>i see the monster who destroyed my and broke my mother into a million pieces. For one moment, im going to put away my pain, and my feelings and give you a little<br>advice. Mom told me what you did, on the dock yesterday. If you love her. And i mean really love her. you'll let her go. You didn't see her that first month after you left  
>she was so broken, she put on that fake smile not wanting to upset me more than i already was, but i saw through it, i saw her heart hanging together by a string. She was<br>never the same after that. You took apart of her with you when you left, a part that can never be replaced. She's now forever in fear of losing people. You know the first  
>Time Jake asked her out, she said no. Afriad that if she let herself love somone, the way she loved you, that she would once again be abandoned. Most guys would have given<br>up, but not him, he took it upon himself to fix her, to place back the shattered peices of her broken heart. Seeing you come back , after all this time, was like taking a  
>hammer to all of the Work and Love Jake put into her heart and making her start over again. Let her go... because youve already lost us both.<em>

I re read and re read the last time, what seemed like a hundred times. This was everything that had been running through my head, I guess seeing it written down on paper made everything seem more... real. But I still needed to make this right. I decided to follow in Sam's foot steps, and write a letter and its started with.

_Dear Clare_


	8. Chapter 8

hey people :D i hope you enjoyed this last chapter, im not sure how many more chapter im goig to be able to pull out of this story, im thinking two or three. Maybe more, if the insperation hits me! Ive got a lot of going on in my life at the moment, i feel like im basically living on two different continets :P Anyway back to the story :P

Disclaimer: all right go to rightful people

Chapter 8: To my face

ELi POV

the sun was just bearly rising now over the small restidental Neighbor hood, not even the early risers had lifted there head off there pillows. According to the clock on my newly rented car, my flight to FEZ had left just over 40 minutes ago, without me on board. i wanted to get on it. I wanted to fly away from this place, away from my mistakes, but if i had learnt anything from coming back here, was that running away didnt make my mistakes go away, it only made them worse, and made the ones i love, wish i had never come back. So i drove, through the roads, and past the white picket fences to the Big brick house on the end of the road. THis being my third time pulling up to this house in less than a fortnight, the first time the only emotion i had felt was hope, hope that maybe, just maybe i could fix things, put my life back together, the second the only thing i felt was guilt. Guilt that i had ruined two people that i loved lives, not once, but twice. It all come down to now. What was a feeling, what was a even doing here? I had no plan of attack, no way of knowing what i was going to do, all i had was the letter in my hand. I pulled up infront of the house, No lights were on, it was competely silence, it was at peace.  
>SO climbed out of the car, slowly making my way up the walk. When i finally reached the door, i couldnt bring myself to knock. What now? i couldnt break the silence, the calm. My hands shook as i slipped the letter under the Great oak door. I closed my eyes as i turned, slowly wlaking back to my car. Suddenly the silence was broken, As a door was swong open,<br>" HEY!" somone yelled. It was a voice i knew all to well, and a voice that after yesterday, i had come to fear, I turned, my eyes opening slowly as i did. THere she was, her light hair pulled back away from her face, dressed lightly for the warm summer morning. " what the hell is this." she said, her voice stronger, and no longer shacky as it had been, all the moments when she spoke to me after what i did on the dock. This time it was me, who was struggling for words.  
>"its a letter" i said bearly speaking " No" she stated. She shoved the letter against my chest, my hand in instict flew up to catch it. " Im sick of you and your note, your letters. If you have somthing to say to me, or MY family, say it to my face." she spat out at me. I closed my eyes, the lump in my throut growing, larger and larger. I swollowed hard, my breathing sharpe, as i struggled to rip open the evelope. I hadnt counted on this i had planned on being a coward, on facing my fears without having to see her face. What if i had said the wrong thing, worded it wrong, i needed her to understand, even if she wouldnt forgive me. I breathed in before starting<p>

Dear Clare

i looked up afraid of her face, her expression was blank, and her arms crossed, than continueded

I wish it was as simple as saying im sorry, that those two words were enough to mend the wounds i made. But i know that it will take much more than words to heel the scars, and nothing i say or do will erase the pain. I have made to many mistakes for any letter or action undo. But i know i have to try, id like to say that im doing this for you, nobody else, but being honest i know that is is also for me. I need to know that on some level you understand why. Why i did what i did. Its not a good reason, though it seemed like it at the time. Do you remember that feeling? The one you got right after you got that internship, when Sam was four. THe way it made you feel. Like your dream would maybe... just maybe come true. I became obsessed with that feeling, forever chasing the high of that first time, it was a herion effect. THe deeper i dove into the harder it was to stop, all i could think of was myslef, and that feeling. I needed it. Thats why i left, i thought i found it, the way to feel like that forever, but it was just another chase, and i was simpily along for the ride, leaveing you and sam in the dust, not thinking of your feeling, or needs, just me. I changed my mind. The moment i found out you were marrying him, i realized my mistake. In my doulousional mind. i thought that you would always be there waiting for me. I was the one who left, i was the one who filed for divorce, yet i felt like i was the one stabbed in the back. I came after you, but it was too late, you were his now, and i was living a web of tangled regretts, trying to convince myslef i wasnt in love with you anymore.  
>WHere did i leave sam in all of this. I guess i left her out of the equation, she was a side note, little more than a reason on my list of why you should be with me. But here i am, in my mid thirties, looking back on the last 8 years of my life with nothing but regret, and nothing but what i should have done. I know you dont want to hear this, but i'll say it anyway, i love you. I always have, and im never going to stop. And as much as it pains me to say it, i hope you dont love me anymore, i of all people, deserve to be hated. I owe you the world Clare, and you owe me nothing, but i still ask this one thing of you. Be happy, i know you are, whenever he's around, i can see it. Im afriad to see the mess you would be today, if he hadnt placed you back together, i owe him for that too. SO this is my final goodbye,i never deserved to be in your life,<br>so now i wouldnt be. Be happy Clare, and know that you are loved, by everyone around you even if you wish i wasnt one of them.

my voice shook through the whole letter, i could bearly read, through the tears in my eyes. I was afraid, afraid to look up, to see her face, what would it look like. WOuld she cry the way i did, or simplily be disgusted by the selfishness of my past. When i finally raised my head to look at her, her face was soft no longer, angery, yet still emotionless, like she couldnt process what i had said. A moment passed, than i realized we were no longer alone, Jake was making his way out the front door towards Clare, Wrapping his arm protectivley around her shoulder I extended my arm, pushing the now crummbled letter into his hands, as he looked from me to a emotionless Clare, I turned and walked back down the drive, towards my car, before i could shut my door however, i heard the final words, that i feared would be the last time i would hear her voice.

" what did he want?" Jake asked " to say good bye." Clare stated, her voice slightly shaking, but strong. as i drove away, past there big brick house, i watched them walk hand in hand, back up the steps, adn for a fleeting moment i let myself imagine, that it had been me.

Sorry its short! i really hope you guys liked it! if you have any suggestions on how i should finish off this story, or of how i could elongate it, than go right ahead, i think i may do the next chapter in Sam's POV, it would be an exterme change from only writing Elu. Also how would you feel about a prequel? might be interesting... please PM or Review with thought opinons and suggestions but only if you want to :P thanks guys!  
> <p>


	9. Chapter 9

Hey, so im thinking that this is going to be the last chapter but im considering writeing a Prequel. the thing is that im really on the fence with the whole pastery battle thing. First part of season 11, I just really hated ELi, and Justin Kelly is just so...and it dosnt hurt that he has an un canny resemblence to my boyfriend :P Than i was mad at him for break in up with Clare at Prom, and ELi seemed normal again, but than nowhere to run...  
>i got pulled back into the justin kelly trance! if i were to write a prequel it would really only be for Cake fans. But whatever! i think i would enjoy writing it. Haha Anyway back to the story<p>Disclaimer: all rights go to rightful people, gotts it? great!<p>

Chapter 9: Moving on

Sam POV ( its going to be REALLY wierd writing in Sam's pov since this whole story ive been thinking in Eli's. lets see how this goes... :P)

Dear Sam,

You dont need to tell me how horrible i was. Trust me i know. Its no longer my place to tell you how to live your life. And i know that you dont value my opinion, nore does anyone else but i want you to know, i never ment to hurt you. though i must admit that i didnt exactly take your feelings into account. You know by now that i am selfish, caring only for myself, i want to change, i really do, and i know that me changing, wouldnt change what i did to you, to your mother,  
>I wish i could take it back, all the pain, everything i did, but i cant turn back time. I did what i did. THere is no one to blame but me. So where do we go from here? I missed 8 years of your life would it be that hard for me to miss the rest? the answer is yes. I cant just cut you out of my life sam, not again, i thought i had a chance to get you back, to be your father again, but i screwed that up to. But i beg you this, dont just shut me out, the way i did to you. Let me be there, it dosnt have to be right away. Let me be there, let me see you get married, even if im not the one to walk you down the isle. Let me meet my grand children, even if they dont know me as there grandpa. I cant give you those years i wasnt there back, but i can promised that if you let me, i will never shut you out again.<br>YOu owe me nothing sammy, and i understand if you never want to see me again, but if you find it in your heart to let me in someday, than i promse to never let you down. I only wish i could have been the dad that you deserve

i dont know how many times i re read those words that summer, a day didnt go by that i didnt pick it up.  
>It came down to the night before i left for France, and i left it behind, sitting on the night stand, i didnt need it. No matter how many times i re read and re read the words wouldnt change. I still had to make a diseison. Did i really want him? he was all i wanted for so long, and when he was finally ready to let me back in, i couldnt do it. I had a father now. One that was always there for me, despite the fact that we werent blood related. So why wouldnt he leave my mind. It wasnt supposed to work this way,<br>i wasnt supposed to feel sorry for him. He ruined me, and i spent half of my life convincing myself that i hated him.

It was June and my Year if France was slowly coming to an end. My afternoon class had just let out for the day,  
>after months of not thinking of him, he had reapeared in my mind. The letter i could have sworn was sitting on my nightstand back home, was suddenly sitting in the bottem of my duffel bag that had been stashed under my bed, and only just brought out, becuase of my pending departcher. THe words that i had been working so hard to forget, were once again, fresh in my mind.<p>

So as i began to decend the steps of the metro station i was sure that it was my mind playing a trick on me. but across the street, bluring in and out of view, due to on coming traffic, was a man. it couldnt be. But i was sure it was. Eli. I couldnt bring myself to call him my dad. But when the smirk i knew s well as child grew on his, i was sure. I half raised my hand,  
>un sure of my action. He returned my guesture. I continued down the stairs, after the short ride of the train, i found myself back at my dorm. Left alone, with my half packed bag and my thoughts. In the end, i knew what i had to do.<br>I pulled out my phone, typing in the number... the true question now, is weather or not to press send.

i cant believe its over! i had the most amazing time writing this story! i can honestly say that i cried myself. hah, and im really sad that its come to an end, im just not sure how much further i could have taken this.

IMORTANT!: STAY TUNED FOR A PREQUEL! NOT SEQUEL PREQUEL! it will follow, Clare and Sam's Lives after Eli leaves them, both before and after Jake. THanks guys! you've really made writing this story a pleasure for me! 


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